i know it's been a while

I have been on a roller coaster ride
overcoming and dealing with
the distasteful circumstances
of my first trimester.
I could hardly take long exposure
in front of our computer.
I'm having headaches,
stomach distress and some
other physical anxieties.
I know, these will pass.
I will certainly get over the
effects of hormonal changes
happening inside me...
maybe sooner or later.

Please bear with me.
Once I get back on my feet again,
I have lots of interesting entries to share
and more exciting stories to tell.

'JUST TAKING A BREAK

pay it forward

Trevor McKinney (Haley Joel Osment), is a 12-year old student who has thought of an idea that would change not only his own life but the lives of many people.


He believes that doing a favor to others is not paying it back but paying it forward... doing good deeds to three new people will truly make a difference.


A simple idea of a young boy that makes a great impact to many and profoundly affect one's human nature. His determination to change the world for the better comes in exchange with his life.


Help others but never expect something in return. When others do good to you, don't pay back but "Pay it Forward" ...

treat for two

We celebrated two occasions: Aya's 13th birthday and Kuya Bong's homecoming. After we had a wonderful snack at Summer Homes, we drove to Riverbanks for another round of food-tripping on an outdoor "dampa-style kainan". It's Ate Alice's treat.

The area is roofed but the sides are open. The stalls where the food is cooked are on the side and the dining tables are situated at the center. An ample area is allotted for parking. There are mini huts with videoke machines for music lovers.

First, we ordered at "Simply Ilonggo" but we waited long enough and the foods were not served yet. The waitresses seemed to ignore follow ups so, to avoid unpleasant words come out from anybody's mouth, we just decided to look for another eatery. Pye, Kuya Bong and Ate Alice landed at "Everybody's Grill"





These shots were taken using Pye's mobile phone. Unfortunately, someone has left her digicam so there's only few photos to upload but just the same, the dinner was a thumbs up. I felt no dizziness and discomfort maybe because of the Vitamin B complex I took after lunch.

We had pork and chicken barbecue, grilled squid, sinigang na ulo ng maya-maya, inihaw na tilapia, grilled tuna and ensaladang mangga. Minute Maid Pulpy Orange for our beverage.

Our first chosen table with the pink top cover
obviously without the food yet

The table where we transferred with yellow top cover
NO FOOD pa rin???

We all had fun eating and chatting that we ignored the smoky atmosphere that seemingly stinked into our body. Hmmmmm... we smelled like barbecue!

Then it's time to get everybody home. We arrived at Pasig around 10pm and I hurriedly prepared the hot water for us to take quick shower. I thought I was ok but suddenly, before getting through with my brief bath, I disgorged every content in my stomach.

an empty sac yet

Lying down on a bed other than our bed makes me feel quite uncomfortable more so using a clinic blanket to cover my body. Quite loathsome but I have no choice. I was advised to undress from waist down, lie on the bed with my knees bent and legs apart then cover my lower extremities with a green blanket. A female doctor attended to me. She was holding a tubular device or probe called a transducer and put an adequate amount of lubricant or gel then slowly inserted into my vaginal canal. The procedure is TVS or transvaginal sonogram. The tubular probe sent out sound waves and a computer received the waves then an image was created being seen on a monitor. Measurements were being noted. The result is:

IMPRESSION
Early intrauterine pregnancy about 7 weeks and 2 days by GS diameter
There is a yolk sac seen with no evidence of fetal pole
Suggest follow-up after 2 weeks for embryonic assessment

The test was painless. Actually I had gone through this kind of procedure more than five times already although I felt some mild discomfort from the pressure of the probe. After getting the result, Pye and I headed to Dra. Piramide, who was holding her clinic hours on the second floor of the Alfonso building. She examined the results of the ultrasound and told us that we have to wait for another 2 weeks to confirm if there's really a baby inside me or yet, a possible blighted ovum.

I have mixed emotions upon hearing this news but we have to be patient and optimistic. Everything will turn out just fine. Things happen for a reason.

happy birthday AYA!

This is the day

when I brought an angel to the world.
She's my daughter AYA.
Now that she turned thirteen,
She has grown a young lady.
Some eyes are spotting at her looks
I can't bear to accept the truth
that one day...
this princess of mine
will be adored by a prince.

I have only the BEST wishes for you and may these wishes come true.

I LOVE YOU

my

AYA

talk to me

Let your presence inside me
say
that you're safe and sound.
Is there a little life growing
or a tie of bond

deep within?

This unpleasant sensitivities
leave no aching
signs.
Just rest quietly at my tummy
We'll be one in due time.

holding back love

I was home alone yesterday. Pye was on duty, the kids watched Madagascar 2 with their Tita Malu while our house help, Bebeth was at SSS updating her payment contributions. I have nothing else to do but stay home. After spending few hours blogging and chatting with some friends at YM, I watched a replay of "Shopgirl" featured in Third Row at 2nd Avenue.

PLOT SYNOPSIS
by: Wikipedia

Mirabelle Buttersfield, a transplanted Vermonter, is an aspiring artist and saleswoman at the evening gloves counter at Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills. Her quiet, orderly existence - filled with both the mundane (futon furniture and an aging pickup truck) and the serious (a large student loan and a supply of antidepressants) - is disrupted by the sudden appearance of two disparate men. Ray Porter is a considerably older, suave, well-dressed, wealthy, divorced logician, while Jeremy is an immature, awkward, socially inept, penniless twentysomething graphic designer for an amplifier manufacturer and aspiring typographer. Ray tells Mirabelle upfront that he does not intend for their relationship to be exclusive. Despite this lack of committment, she finds herself swept off her feet. The situation is further clouded when Jeremy falls madly in love with her; although she finds him considerably less desirable than his older rival, he is willing to offer her the promise of exclusivity.

Mirabelle and Ray embark on a lengthy affair, during which time Jeremy is working as a roadie for the band Hot Tears, whose lead singer Luther encourages him to improve himself and learn how to properly deal with the opposite sex via a number of self-help audio tapes. Mirabelle is devoted to Ray, who showers her with affection and expensive gifts. During a business trip, he has dinner with an old girlfriend and sleeps with her. Mirabelle is crushed when he confesses to his indiscretion.

She eventually forgives him, and they continue to date until Mirabelle finally admits to herself their relationship never will have the permanence she wants because Ray cannot love her. She leaves Ray, quits her job at Saks, and becomes a receptionist at an art gallery. Jeremy reenters her life and they rekindle their relationship while Mirabelle is invited to display her work at an exhibiton. Ray attends, and although aware that their relationship is over, reveals that he has come to realize that he did love her. For his flaws, Mirabelle is happy with Jeremy who is able to offer himself to her unconditionally.





I know of someone who can relate to this story yet I preferred to keep her identity for some reasons. Holding back love for a person is never a fair game. If you love someone, you have to show it and express the feelings in any way you desire or for whatever it takes. It can never be questioned but can be answered... by simply doing what your heart dictates.

heaven welcomes another angel

I was browsing in the internet and I came across a site which I thought was the right one to give me information about the meaning of flowers. I planned to write a blog presenting a variety of flowers and their meanings and so I clicked the 6th link on the list: The Meaning of Flowers/A Filipina Mom Blogger and "Oh My God!" I never expected that I would stay for, not just a while but I spent hours watching the videos and reading some of the author's posts. I was teary-eyed and emotional upon learning that the site I've accidentally gone through will touch my heart and spirit.

Her story started with a deep mourning... a struggle for strength to overcome pain... a journey of grief and sorrow and her survival from the most unbearable loss of a beloved son.

Luijoe at the zoo

Last photo of Luijoe before he died

The swimming pool where he met his final destination

His resting place at Loyola Memorial Park

Ms. Noemi Lardizabal-Dado said in her blog entitled: Touched by An Angel

"I still remember that last day, May 27, 2000 in our hotel room at Maribago Bluewater Beach Resort . It was right after we had breakfast getting ready for our glass-bottom boat ride. The video of “Be with you” by Enrique Iglesias was blaring on TV. Luijoe’s sisters shrieked ewwww mom except Luijoe and myself. They chided me for being so cheesy but Luijoe sat beside me and said you like that mama and I said yes. He said I like it too. Then we both watched it together.

That song is meant to be a love song but I can’t help thinking about the lyrics because it was the last song we listened together. The lyrics spoke so much of my indescribable grief and so, hearing the song always teared me to bits.

"And now that you’re gone,
I just wanna be with you.
(Be with you)
And I can’t go on, I wanna be with you.
(Be with you)
Wanna be with you."

Miserable, depressed and inconsolable. Today, it’s different. The pain is not as searing as it once was.

In memory of Luijoe’s 8th death anniversary, I compiled the photos of Luijoe’s last few hours at Maribago Bluewater Beach Resort with “Be With You” as the background music."

I can hardly imagine how difficult it was for her to cope with her son's early demise. The tragedy that struck her family more than eight years back has been a haunting nightmare but she is able to let go of the negative memories of that fateful day and still trying to heal the wounds it has caused.

Because of this experience, Noemi gained sympathy not only from Kababayans in the Philippines but touched many people's lives through out the world. She even appeared in some TV programs like: MomWorks, Proudly Filipina, Kapuso Mo-Jessica Soho and Ali's talk show sharing her family's terrible ordeal.

She was even awarded the Best Website, Blog Category in the 9th Philippine Web Awards on December 7, 2006 and more awards in her name.

Another angel has flown to heaven
with a ready heart so young.
He lived a life too short
but left a long lasting mark.
He now rested far above the skies
looking down and waiting
for
his beloved ones to reunite
in the hands of GOD.

what about

Everyday for me now is like I'm in a "twilight zone" and I can hardly decide what food to eat or what odor really makes me lose my appetite. I have morning sickness and my stomach feels like empty but full. Once I get up in bed, I sense something bubbling inside my belly and it causes me to throw up. I'm always like this. During my first trimester, I took leave of absence from office just to have a complete rest and now that I'm free from any employer and my boss now is of course, willing and able to take control of everything. He's so excited with the coming baby as much as our two kids.

Chocolate Mousse
A bed of rich chocolate pound cake, topped with delicious cream-based mousse and chocolate chips for a treat like no other.

Well, I craved for a "chocolate mousse" from Red Ribbon and my sister Mahlen ordered one through their hotline for a free delivery. It took almost an hour for the cake to arrive because Pasig Branch runout of stock of choco mousse so they waited for the stocks to come. As soon as the cake has reached my Mom's house, Mahlen sliced it and I got one for myself. I finished it off but afterwards, I found myself vomiting in my Mom's comfort room.

Why did I vomit after eating my most desired food? Well, these somehow explain it all:

1. The vomiting is caused by a combination of chemical changes my body is going through
2. My rapidly increasing estrogen and progesterone levels
3. Enhanced sense of smell and stomach acids
4. Builup of HCG. It is produced after implantation takes place and continues to increase until about the 12th week of pregnancy, at which point the levels of HCG starts to decrease, this is when morning sickness symptoms will start to decrease as well.

I may be experiencing these more intensely for the following days or weeks. But I know I can handle these changes as much as I got through with the anxieties during my previous conceptions.

seeing with our hearts open

We look at life as simple
yet complicated.
We seek peace and solitude
yet something is there to hinder.
We love and cherish memories
yet tears are running down our face.




We laugh and smile for joy
yet sadness comes without a hint.
We travel a long road to freedom
yet fences are hidden beneath.
We strive to reach the star
yet never bother to take a step.

We try to be the best person
yet somebody will never appreciate.
We give hope not despair
yet misery and anguish reign.
We search for truth and certainty
yet pretension lies everywhere.

We learn new things and ideas
yet life has more to offer.
We rely on facts and essentials
yet instincts go between.
We rescue ourselves from drowning
yet surviving is the game.





We contradict to one's disposition
yet falsify our own views.
We agree more on transformation
yet change is constant and imperfect.
We risk something valuable
yet redeem our spirits later.





We commit offensive allegations
yet direct justice to few.
We resolve problems accordingly
yet nuisance keeps coming back.
We may not comprehend every life there exist
yet learning is an eternal process.


Perceiving the true beauty of the world,
is seeing it with our hearts open.